The Mary writings

Every day he does the same. He lounges around, he gets near but then goes away. I always wonder why he doesn’t stay. I sometimes think he resembles a stray cat. It doesn’t go with him, life settling in a home. All potential owners wipe tears from their eyes when he follows his true nature and breaks all ties returning to the street and trusting only himself, he prefers being always on his own, not even with a shoulder to rely on. And I’m just like a sparrow on a wire. I can feel it from afar, his fire burns me and I want to open his heart wide look inside of it and then our gazes meet, and every time my eyes close I dream of it, that he beckons me over. And he promises, swears over and over that he won’t hunt me down with his claws and tear me to shreds till I’m gone.

I’ll give my heart to you so that you can slam it in the wall in exchange for just a second of infiniteness what a shame, love only served to destroy yourself what is love, anyways? maybe just a phase of neverending illusion and a promise of not being lonely or is it merely just a temporary disguise of a promise of fulfilment and a well-decorated lie? I sigh, I’ve been thinking about love for most of my life and in all due sincerity, what a waste of time. all that love ever gave me was disappointment and lies, lies and lies.

March came in a flash. Books were slapped shut without any hope of continuation and without any sort of momentum there was a crash. The days in the calendar passing by confirmed it wasn’t my imagination. The pain, the uncertainty. Everything was real. And with that came that feel, that sunken realization that darkness had found a way into my uneventful family day.   I cried. I couldn’t believe my aunt had died. I wanted to be the one in the rain I begged to be the one to feel all the pain. Making the ones that less deserve it suffer is unfair My grandma wiped her hundredth tear, I could only hold her as she told me again, and again, the last time she had seen her. It reminded me of how easily people can die without any chance to say goodbye. and I directed all thoughts concentrated all my hopes into that ICU where my cousin was trying to breathe and I only thought get stronger and live, live,...